Old Navy Gray Sweatpants ( pants )
A
We have lost a great warrior today. At approximately 2:08am, Monday the 17th, my gray sweatpants from Old Navy were burned and laid to rest. For 11 years, these warm, soft, fashionable leggings were a staple in my wardrobe. Whether going to the supermarket or to the discotech, gray sweatpants were the one pair of pants I could always count on.
I remember making a Beer Pong table sophomore year of college, and getting green and red paint all over them. Did I throw them away or ruin the texture with paint remover? Please. Gray sweatpants laughed at the idea and persevered to make paint stains the hip new trend. Soon after, students across campus were buying oil based paint to dab on their 100 dollar jeans.
I remember the many times I have heard stories of guys getting boners and tucking them into the waist of their jeans to hide them. Gray sweatpants would hear of no such thing. Erect? Gray sweatpants was always there to show off my hard on front and center. There would be no tucking of penii with these bad boys on.
We have seen good days and bad, and you will be missed my friend. You will not be replaced. All of your brethren in my third drawer will weep when we all go up to elysian park tomorrow to scatter your ashes. Like the College of Cardinals when selecting a new pope, there will be a Conclave to elect a new pair of sweatpants to be used as my primary pair. Charcoal Fleece Sweatpants II and Blue Sweatpants remain the frontrunners, but this is only speculation at this point. Updates will follow.
