Handjobs ( Courtesy )
D
I’ve had a few handjobs lately, and I have to be honest with the few of you still reading here, they sucked. I mean let’s get right down to it - if I wanted a sweaty palm slapping my cock high five I’d reach down my trousers and yank it myself. Get down there and get to business. What is this, 5th grade? Fuck.
It’s just rude. Didn’t your parents ever teach you any manners? You really think your inexperienced quick jerk, or that awkward nervous squeeze is making me happy? Don’t you think I would be a little more elated with a little mouth hug and a reach around? It’s called orchestration people. If you’re gonna step on the court you better learn to play ball(s).
It’s one thing to use the handy dandy as a warm up for things to come (!), but featuring your mit as the main event is just wrong. That’s like pitting Burt Reynolds against Dakota Fanning in a moustache growing contest. I’m not exactly sure how it’s like that, but it’s the first thing that came to mind. Did I ever tell you guys how I went to this sex shop one time and there were all these fake vaginas and fake mouths, and then they had a “gay” section mixed in, and the only difference between the “straight: fake mouth and the “gay” fake mouth was a drawn on black moustache. Unreal.
So next time you’re with a boy, remember this mantra:
“Hands before mouth, so long as you go south”.
